Grief Counselling

We grieve even for relationships that were not perfect

Even if circumstances weren’t ideal, you could always hope to be closer, more supportive, or get along better as long as your loved one was physically present. Since they passed away, you must come to terms with a new reality without them, as painful as it is.

Death can leave us with a sense of guilt or shame for things we said or did or about things we didn’t say or do. We may feel a sense of unfinished business. We can feel a loss of identity — after all, being a son or daughter, spouse, sibling, or parent is an enormous part of who you are.

Grief is normal and natural and can resurface in waves

It’s never easy to lose a loved one. Grieving after losing a close relative is expected. If you’ve lost any one or anything dear to you grief is a healthy emotional response to the acute pain of loss. The finality of a loved one’s death creates an empty void that may sometimes feel unbearable or come in waves and hit you suddenly, even when you least expect it.

Moving forward after experiencing a profound loss can be especially difficult and may take significantly longer than you thought.

The misperception that grief only lasts for a year

There’s a widely-held misperception that grief takes a year, after which the pain dissipates, and you are able to get on with life. This isn’t necessarily true. Grief is a process that takes time to heal and cannot be rushed.

You (or other people around you) might feel that you “should” be past the strong emotions and not be mourning as intensely anymore. In reality, grief affects everyone differently and takes different people different amounts of time to work through. It’s important to permit yourself to take the time necessary to work through your loss, unpressured by others’ expectations of you.

If there are unresolved issues remaining between you and your loved one, you may experience additional complexity to work through before you’re fully ready to move forward.

When you are ready to move forward

If you want to start getting on with life but don’t feel able to or don’t know how to move forward, therapy can help you work through your thoughts and feelings. You can tap into your inner strength and bring comfort from a spiritual practice. Professional support should help you move forward gently wherever you are in your healing journey.

Understanding the stages of grief can help you heal — even if they are different for each of us

Most people who experience a loss typically go through what psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross calls the Five Stages of Grief:

1. Denial: Disbelief that your loved one has passed away

2. Anger: Feeling angry that they passed

3. Bargaining: Making promises of what you’ll do if only it’s not true!

4. Depression: Feeling despair, hopeless, and unmotivated

5. Acceptance: Coming to terms with your loss so that you can start moving forward in your life.

It’s important to remember that because everyone is different, not everyone will experience grief according to a five-stage roadmap. Each of us reacts differently to loss, and different people relate more strongly to different parts of the grief process than others. People also take different amounts of time to work through the different stages. Some people experience the stages in a different order or may even skip one or more stages.

At the same time, understanding the normative stages of grief that often occur can be helpful in helping you come to terms with your loss.

If you feel that you would like to move past your grief but are unable to, therapy can help

It is true that everyone grieves in their own way and should be allowed to take as much time as they need to grieve. At a certain point, though, you might feel that you’ve grieved enough and want to move forward but don’t feel able to.

If you feel that your grief is continuing longer than is healthy, or if grief is preventing you from functioning, specialized grief therapy can help you work through whatever is keeping you stuck and help you be able to get on with your life.

Moving past your grief is not a betrayal

You might think that holding onto your heartache proves your unwavering loyalty and devotion to your loved one. It doesn’t. All that you are doing is denying yourself permission to enjoy life.

Deciding to move on with your life in no way diminishes your loved one’s impact on your life or what they meant to you. If your loved one had the chance to tell you, they would surely have wanted you to heal, move forward, and get on with your life. Therapy can show you how.

How therapy can help you get past your grief to heal and move forward

Therapy can help you:

• Understand your grief and where you are on your grief journey.

• Explore and work through your emotional responses to your loss, whether you’re feeling anger, sadness, regret, guilt, or fear.

• Learn tools and techniques to help you deal with your grief so that you no longer need to feel stuck or unable to enjoy life.

• Build emotional resilience and tap into inner wellsprings of strength.

If you’ve lost someone close to you, you must give yourself time and permission to heal from the pain of your loss. If you’re having difficulty coming to terms with your bereavement or feel that your grief is continuing longer than you feel is appropriate, reach out today and start finding your way back to enjoying life again.